Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
