It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
