What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
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