I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
