That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
