I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Randomize
