Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
