Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I need to calm my uterus...
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
