Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
