I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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