Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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