did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Randomize
