It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
