:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
