What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Randomize
