I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
