Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
