Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Let's paint friendship bongs
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
