even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
