Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
