It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
