Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Randomize
