Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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