I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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