so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
