meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
wanna go halves on a baby?
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
