guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
