things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
i think my cat just said my name.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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