Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
