you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
