did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
