why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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