need another drink. this is the easiest way
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Randomize
