I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
mondays should just be called national damage control day
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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