I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
