Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
