so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
