That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
