All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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