where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
More tranny stories later!
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
A+ Viking dick
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
