idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
