Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize