I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
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