I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
