come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
