Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Randomize
