meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
