ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
