Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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