So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
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