Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Is it penis luge time yet?
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
